Although most of my posts are happy and positive, when I set out to do a blog I promised that with the family/pregnancy updates, I would also include somethings that are going on in our lives that aren't so pretty - today is one of those days. There have been some topics in my family's life right now that have been weighing on my mind, and I'm sure Shane's mind as well and it just feels right to share them and/or maybe just get them off my chest. PLEASE NOTE: I am very well aware that my problems COULD BE A LOT WORSE, I understand that. But these are MY problems, so if you don't want to partake in MY pity party, take your cursor to the upper right-hand corner where the red box with the white X is located, and click it.
I have to first off admit that I am one pretty happy and LUCKY gal. I have everything I have EVER wanted out of life. I have an adoring husband that loves me more than anything (and shows me on a daily basis) and I am more in love with him that I ever have been. A HEALTHY, amazing little boy that is so full of life, spunk and unconditional love that I get to stay home with during the first few months of his life. I have a home that isn't our dream home, but is a great first home that has absolutely nothing wrong with it and is a safe place that we can provide for our son. I have to say that NONE of this was given to me, I had to work pretty damn hard to get where I am today. Shane and I had to live with my parents for a year in order to afford our wedding, we tried for 8 months to get pregnant with Jackson (every month I cried when only 1 line showed up on the pregnancy test), and we had to work our BUTTS off to afford/get into our house. So I always ask, what more could a girl ask for right?
Sometimes I feel like all of my happiness comes with a price.
For Jackson: I have a tumor on my right ovary that must be removed. Along with the removal of the tumor, my ovary may be removed too. Not only can we not afford the surgery, I MAY HAVE AN OVARY REMOVED! Is Jackson worth it:
ABSOLUTELY!
For our home: Our job(s) are completely unstable and we BOTH will be unemployed next month, is our home worth it?
DEFINITELY!
For my happy marriage to the man of my dreams: mistakes from our past come back to haunt us and just WILL NOT GO AWAY financially, is our love worth it?
NO QUESTION!
For the best friends anyone could ever ask for: our car MUST have something wrong with it or break down every 6 months and each time we realized that we can't afford to get into a new car, is it worth it for the friends we have?
YOU BET!
I know the answers to all of these questions I ask myself, and the sayings are ALWAYS going through my head, "This too, shall pass" and "God won't give you anything you can't handle". But sometimes I just really want to ask God to throw a girl a bone. Let me bask in my happiness for a little bit before your throw me my next obstacle! I know I can handle the next one, and we WILL get through it, we always do - but let me just have ONE MONTH where I don't have to worry about making a mortgage payment, or the day I am going to have to drop my son off at daycare, or my car breaking down on the freeway with a hungry baby in the backseat. Just one month, please?
Okay, there, I did it. I wrote out a very personal blog that I'm sure will get flamed. Just remember what I said, these are MY problems - problems that I rarely share with anyone.....
7 comments:
Brianne - I feel for you!! If there is anything I can do, please let me know!! If you need help with babysitting, I am always here and would love to help especially if you have to go back to work!! (same goes for if your car breaks down, please call!!) Do NOT feel bad for putting this out there, sometimes you just have to vent!! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!
Just a thought - could you babysit kids from your house? I babysit for some friends of mine and that really helps and I get to stay home. It doesn't take too long to start up a daycare. If any questions, just let me know.
First of all Brianne, as far as pity parties are concerned, that was nothing! You are an amazing woman to keep such a positive attitude in the midst of everything (and it does sound like you are going through a lot).
I know what you're saying about wanting a month break. Our trials have been overlapping for the past year and it's really difficult to not feel completely defeated at times. Something that helps me is knowing that I am growing through all of this into a less selfish, more loving and compassionate person...(okay sometimes it helps;)
*This is a totally personal side note but this is the time when your hormones are plumiting and having dealt with severe post partem depression with one of my babies I would definitely encourage you to look into that. Please email me if you have any questions about that because I really feel like there is NOT enough information or support for this!
I'm going to be praying for you today:) Love, Jewel
B-
Thanks so much for being real and sharing your heart. I am going to be praying for you and your situation. The message at church on Sunday really touched on this subject. I constantly struggle with this and always wonder "what did I do wrong" and sometimes is something, but a lot of times it is nothing. Listen to it if you have the time. Love you my friend! http://www.gracepugetsound.com/sermons/Golike10-11-09.mp3
I will partake in your pity party! You know that you are lucky to be where you are and have the things that you have & you are GRATEFUL for that. That is what I think counts. It's hard to always think that things will get better & even though you know they eventually will, that doesn't make it any easier or less stressful.
If there is ANYTHING I can do for you please let me know.
I love you!!
B-
Everyone is entitled to a Pity Party from time to time. You're right, there are worse problems that could be had, but that doesn't make yours any less important or any less frustrating.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
Lots of hugs,
S
Honey, we will get through this. You are such a strong and positive person that sometimes I feel like your filled with an unusual amount of optimism ;) I thank God every day that I have you and Jackson and although we have all the problems we do, we still have eachother. A few times of struggle test our character and our love and we always come out with flying colors. If all we have to experience in this life is 10% struggle and 90% happiness, I like those odds.. I love you more today then yesterday and I'm so proud to have such a strong and passionate woman as my wife and mother to my son...
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