Sleep Deprivation. Is.Not.Fun. Actually, I hate it. Hate is a strong word, but I would rather use the word hate than drop F-bombs around my son. I knew going into this whole parenting gig, that I was going to lose out on some sleep. I prepared myself for it, especially in the final weeks of pregnancy. But it came to a total surprise to both me & Shane when Jackson was sleeping through the night at 1 month old. Friends would say to us, "You don't look haggard at all for a new parent" and "Wow, you are lucky he is sleeping through the night".
We didn't expect it to last long and even told ourselves that when he decides to start waking up in the middle of the night, we will be ready for it.....but it didn't happen, so, guess what? we got used to it. 3 glorious months of a full nights sleep every night. I woke up refreshed everyday, showered & got ready, made it to play dates, only needed 1 or 2 cups of coffee and at the end of the day, I went to bed excited for what was to come the following day.
Until we moved Jackson to his crib - the night wakings began. We set up the monitor and put the receiver on my side of the bed. First time Jackson woke up screaming, I jumped out of bed and went running down the hall, consoled him and he fell back asleep, this happened again 2 hours later, then 1 hour later, and then 2 hours later, when I finally decided to nurse him back to sleep. Lather, rinse and repeat this routine EVERY NIGHT FOR THE LAST 37 DAYS STRAIGHT.
So let's go back to how much I hate sleep deprivation. I am tired, I take my coffee into the shower with me daily, I can barely make it through dinner, I have lost too much weight, I fall asleep sitting up, and my mascara no longer maintains it's position on my eyelashes. However, I have ALWAYS lived by this strict rule: If you aren't willing to fix it, don't complain about it. So I haven’t complained about it to anyone other than Shane. Our family members would ask if I was okay, and I am okay, I am just exhausted, so I would just say that Jackson isn’t sleeping through the night, and that’s it. I wouldn’t go into much detail or even complain/vent about it because although I know the way to get him to sleep through the night (crying it out) I just wasn’t ready to take that step. And going back to my rule, if I wasn’t ready to implement EVERYONE’S advice, I’m not going to complain about it.
That was until I worked out with my friend Diandra on Sunday night. She asked me if I was depressed. It came as a total shock to me. I thought to myself, If people are thinking I’m depressed, I have GOT to do something about this!
So we bought the book, Sleeping Through The Night, and I began reading it immediately. Since we’ve had a busy couple of nights, we are going to start sleep training tomorrow night. I am very anxious, scared, sad, and nervous about letting my precious baby cry it out. His cries already break my heart, so knowing he is crying (even if I leave) just makes me tear up thinking about it.
Alright, now that I have complained about it, I am going to fix it. This is my accountability right here. I’ll check back in a few days to update on the progress. In the meantime, if you see me, buy me a coffee and give me a hug. I’ll need it.
3 comments:
I don't really have any advice, but hopefully it's a little comfort to know you aren't alone. Jaxson is 9.5 months old and he has yet to have one night since birth where he's slept all the way through. I feel you on the sleep deprivation though!! I will tell you that it gets better. We were able to get Jayden sleeping through the night in his crib by 7 months but Jax has taken longer. Plus I've heard breast-fed babies are prone to waking more often.
Even after you get him sleeping through the night, be prepared for phases where he will wake repeatedly. Every 2-3 months or so, Jayden would revert back from sleeping through the night for a week or two. Once the phase was over, it was back to normal.
I know how you feel on the CIO too. I can't do it. It upsets me just as much as my kids. We let them cry for like 15-20 minutes, but I usually end up going in there to get them after that, so it never worked too well for us.
Anyway, good luck and just know that eventually he'll get to sleeping through the night. Some babies just take longer. :) I'd give you a hug if I could, but I guess a virtual one will have to do for now. Hang in there!!
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with the whole sleep thing. I am sure it's especially hard since he was sleeping through the night and now he's not. I know you are getting advice left and right and everyone has an opinion, but I LOVED the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It was my bible and has worked for many of my friends too. I am curious to see if it will work for our second kiddo too. I sure hope so. It is the hardest thing in the world to let them cry it out, but in the end it's better for both of you when you are getting a full night's rest. Good luck to you and Shane. You are in my thoughts!
Thanks for sharing this Brianne! You can do it girl! And you will be a better mom because of it :)
Now if you want my advice the best thing I did was get rid of my monitor. Now it is not for everybody, but you will hear him (unless he is on a different floor) if he is really crying. But I know that you can get advice on this kind of thing from all different angles. But I am here to support you with what every you do.
Post a Comment