As ready as we will ever be….

Hospital Bag is packed and in the car, baby bag/boppy/etc is in the car, video and camera are charged and ready, all the baby necessities have been purchased, we have 275 newborn diapers and 100 Size 1 diapers, enough wipes to cover our entire house, co-sleeper is up and stocked, nursery is complete, breast pump/supplies/bottles are sanitized and ready to go, Jackson’s bag is packed and ready to go, plans for Jackson are set, Easter basket is done - “just in case”, double stroller arrived yesterday, have plans A, B, C & D solidified for when I go into labor depending on what time of day it is……sounds like we are set.

So why do I feel like I’m not ready? I’m not ready mentally……I feel like in a month we will be receiving a wonderful blessing – a baby girl, a baby – and God allowing, a healthy baby. But my heart is still unprepared for what emotions I will face when she is here and all my attention will be taken away from my favorite little toddler.  He is so used to getting my attention and fulfilling his needs whenever, and at the drop of a hat. And soon, I will be bringing home someone that needs me more and won’t be able to hold his hand, get him his milk or watch Nemo as many times as he’d like. I know I have to take each day as it comes, but I struggle with how Jackson will feel and respond.  

A guest at my baby shower, Jeanne, said to me, “Imagine another woman coming into your home – and you have to accept her as your husband’s “other” wife – this is how Jackson will be feeling at first.”  This has sat with me for 2 weeks now, and I don’t want it to leave my mind – because in just under a month, my precious boy will be feeling like the “other” child, not THEE child – my prized possession.

I have already told Shane to be prepared for me to meltdown, cry, or just lose it because I won’t be able to handle it (especially with all of the hormones racing through my body). And of course, he will just go with the flow and be the best, most supportive husband ever. I just hope that each day WILL get better, and that maybe, just MAYBE it won’t be as bad as I think it will be.

Wish me luck….